Looking back…

I had a baby 7 months ago…7 months!!??? Where has the time gone?

I remember the day you were born so clearly, we were so scared that we would lose you, we didn’t even know you were a girl but we loved you so much already.

It started at 10am on Monday 8th February 2016, we arrived at the RVI in Newcastle to be induced, we were full of nerves and anticipation, not knowing what to expect. There was a lot of waiting around, I was examined and given a pessary at 12pm, assured by the midwives that there was absolutely no chance of you being born in the next 24 hours. We were told to go for a walk, have some lunch and come back in about 6 hours. We went to Costa, had a bite to eat then set off down the long corridor on the ground floor towards the atrium, that is when it got interesting.

A contraction…? Surely not. Another one…oh dear.  We hastily opened the contraction timer app on my phone and sure enough, the contractions were less than two minutes apart and getting closer together and more painful. We started to make our way back towards the maternity unit, we had to keep stopping because the contractions were getting very painful. We were offered wheelchairs by doctors and nurses who were passing in the corridor, but no, this could not be happening this quickly, I was going to make it back to the ward by myself.

We made it! The midwives did not seem impressed by my “dramatics”, I was told they would be with me in an hour or so, I was sure I couldn’t wait that long. I was finally examined at about 5pm, I was 5cm! Dramatics…hmm! By this point I was in a lot of pain (UNDERSTATEMENT) and still on the induction suite terrifying the other ladies with my cries and gasps. They broke my waters with a scary looking plastic implement and one of the midwives joked that I was “contracting like the clappers” – gee thanks, I had no idea!

The next few hours was a blur in all honesty, I walked down a corridor to a delivery room, had an epidural, then the doctors and consultants arrived. There was some concern about your little heartbeat, they took blood from your head multiple times, the results were varied and my heart rate was also jumpy. I was stuck at 7cm and in transitional stage…which I’m told is bad?! Your heat rate kept dropping and stopping and after much discussion and epidurals being turned on and off and consultants speaking to midwives in hushed tones, we were told that a theatre had been prepped and it looked like we were having a c-section.

I was okay with that, I’d gone through the stages of labour and it bloody hurt! I was born by c-section so I was prepared for it, no big deal, we just wanted you to be safe. We were rushed down to theatre, Steve was ushered away to change ready for the operation, I was laid on a cold table, naked, painted with some bright yellow freezing cold fluid, it was all rather frightening.

The team at the RVI were absolutely amazing, my midwife Corinna who made decisions for me when I couldn’t and captured some precious memories on Steve’s phone, the incredible anaesthetist who’s name I didn’t catch but stood by me with that huge needle of morphine and put me at ease and the surgeon, Dr Leo Gurney, who laughed and joked and helped me relax as he delivered my beautiful little girl safely. The rest of the team were also incredible and we could have asked for more, I am eternally grateful – so thank you.

Then, all of a sudden, you were here and crying and beautiful. I’ve never loved anything so much in my entire life, you were perfect, you are perfect.

We spent the next few days getting to know you, hospital was awful but you were a dream, my little miracle. It was hard at first, the 3 layers of internal and external stitches made it worse, the bag of fluids the midwife forget to give me almost made it life threatening. But during those seriously scary few days, you made everything worth it. You fed so well, constantly, but well. You loved cuddles and kisses on the nose, you had crazy hair and a newborn scent that I wish I could have bottled and kept it with me forever.

We took you home and you settled so well, I was not well but you and Daddy were a team and helped me get better. I look back on those first few weeks at home with fond memories (despite the injections and the stitches and the tears and the reflux and the colic), I would do it all again ten times over!


To our little angel, you complete us, we love you and we will always love you.

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