So here I am. 27 years old, one beautiful daughter and another baby on the way and I’ve just been diagnosed with MS.
Today is a bad day, there have been a few of them since I was diagnosed. I feel angry, depressed, confused, anxious and worried and a million other things all at once. It’s not fair. I don’t deserve to have MS. Thats how I feel today.
Today I told a friend how I was feeling and she told me to be grateful. Be grateful it’s not worse. I felt angry when she said that, angry that she doesn’t understand, because no one understands how I feel. No one understands how my MS affects my body, I can’t walk five steps without my body telling me I can’t do it and I need to stop. No one understands how MS affects my mind, I get confused and I can’t form sentences, I struggle to grasp new things at work when I didn’t have a problem before. No one understands how irritating it is to have constant tingling and pins and needles and pain in my lower limbs. No one understands.
Yes im grateful. Yes I appreciate it could be a whole lot worse. Yes I’m thankful for my babies and my life and god do I love my life. But it’s also okay to have a shitty day. It’s okay to not be positive 100% of the time. It’s okay to feel like utter shit and complain about it. There will always be someone worse off than me, but that doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to feel the way that I feel.
My friend didn’t mean to make me feel bad, she was trying to help. But it didn’t help, today I just needed someone to agree with me and say yes, you’re right, it’s awful that this is happening to you.
Im grateful for life and everything in it, but I’m allowed to feel hurt. If you’re that friend, just agree and have a large glass of wine with me…or a mock tail as the case may be at the moment 😊
Today is a bad day. But tomorrow might be an amazing day.
If you want to hear more about my diagnosis, you can watch my video here…